If you are reading this and you are feeling low. Please don’t give up. If you are reading this if you are feeling meh. Please carry on. If you are reading this and feeling like you can’t carry on. Please don’t let this win. If your thoughts are telling you that you are worthless and not wanted. Please do not believe them. As you are amazing for fighting these cruel illnesses and trust me I’m so proud of you.
I hate being negative but it’s for the people who judge me and others who are battling with any mental illness. Life isn’t fluffy bunnies and perfect rainbows if you take medication for any mental illness.
Trust me, I would not wish this on the worst person in the world.
I’ll be honest right now, I’m not coping very well. Trying to battle my insomnia and my dark thoughts. Plus, in the year, my dad is having a triple heart bypass. Trying to get my head around that I will be seeing my dad in intensive care after his operation but it’s for the best as his life will be saved. I just can’t face losing another parent. I just need someone to say, “you’ll be okay Shannon, I promise” I’m fed up of feeling alone in this dark circle. I feel like the tablets don’t even agree with me either. I’m not moaning at the NHS but right now, I need help. I have no idea when I’m going to have an appointment with the psychiatrist.
I can notice my social phobia relapsing once again by the symptoms. I can’t even phone my Nan or even go for a walk again, without feeling like I’m going to get hurt. When I wake up every morning. I feel so exhausted.
It’s okay not to be okay. Because the bad days like tonight they make me cherish the good days like when I’m with my best friend. I miss her so much. I just feel like a failure right now for her having to put up with me.
If you want to scream into your pillow and cry? Do it.
If you want to rip up paper? Do it.
If you want to listen to music loudly and block the thoughts? Do it.
BUT PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP THE BATTLE AS YOU ARE WORTH THE FIGHT.
IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.
I love every single person who follows my blog and in my life. I am so proud of you all. I am fighting my battle. I won’t give up.