Go back to 2015 when I was 17. I hated my body. I hated my thighs, I hated my stomach, I hated my hair. I hated everything about me. I had no self-esteem. I used to do half face pictures. When I had sex, I wore my top in the dark because I hated myself and my body. I wouldn’t smile. I hated when anyone use to talk to me when I went outside. I wouldn’t even wear a dress! Because I considered myself to be a whale. I was in a dark hole. I wasn’t getting any better I was getting worse. My sex drive was low as I didn’t feel comfortable. It was causing more problems with relationships I had. It made me feel more pressured to act like I was all fine. I had no pleasure. I had nothing. I felt like I was trapped in a body who couldn’t get any enjoyment out of the every day things.
PS. Sorry dad If you are reading about the sex bit. I’m still your little girl!
2017/2018: Since I’ve been battling with mental health it’s been a long and hard journey but I’m starting to love myself. I love my chubby cheeks so much! I love my body. As it shown me that it’s been through a lot. When I have sex now, I love when the light is on and I don’t even wear a t shirt now! Far too much information there but hey ho! I love my fat thighs! Yes, I’m not the perfect size 4 but I’m me and I’m loving myself. For so long, I always had a problem with my body or how I looked. Now since talking about my own mental health journey I’ve got more confident and I have no problems with my body. I can say I’m finally happy with my body. Whether I’m fat or thin. I don’t care what I look like because I am me and I am happy with it! My sex drive is slowly getting back to a normal one and I feel comfortable with myself. I don’t have to pretend either on if I am having a bad day.
My depression and anxiety took my self-esteem away from me. But this year I am back for good and I am fighting for everyone not just myself.
My fashion sense is a bit all over place. But I love it, I love wearing my checked shirt with my skinny jeans and baggy jumper!
Plus, I am a lover of dresses now! Who would know, I would have loved dresses. I try to wear them 24/7 but this amazing British weather stops me sadly!
If someone says anything negative towards you. Don’t listen to them. Get rid of them and their negatively. You are worth it. You are beautiful. I am so proud of every single one of you.
Body, I accept you for the first time in 20 years and I love you so much.
Love, Shannon x