In July 2017, I started my blog. I had many names for this blog. It was Mental Health and Lifestyle but I didn’t like it anymore so I thought my name is awesome for a blog!
In November of 2017 I got the opportunity to become a Time To Change Champion for this amazing charity.
Time To Change is made from two organisations they are called:
I’ve been battling with my mental illness since I was a 17 but before I even knew about mental health it was about 14.
See back in my day. Now, I sound old but I’m only 20 and school was a bit different.
My school had no option of studying about mental health which in today generation with social media etc. I find ridiculous. If I knew about it sooner, I could have noticed the symptoms and I could be back on the recovery path, but I won’t ever know that.
I started this blog to stamp out stigma what is attached to the word mental health. I also want to blog about my journey and road to recovery. I want to show people that it’s okay not to be okay and it’s okay to start talking about how they are feeling.
Mum suffered from anorexia and my Nan’s sister suffers from bipolar. So mental health has been in my family including my journey with depression and social phobia and anxiety. So, it’s close to my heart and personal. I don’t know everything, but I know some parts of my illness.
You see, I might look happy and my appearance might be amazing. But in my head, I want to end it all and want to be out of this black cloud I feel trapped in and I’ve tried everything to get out of it and it just seems exhausting to keep jumping to get out of the black cloud. I know, I want to live but my head is telling me I don’t want to live.
What do my bad days tend to be like?
Imagine planning so many ideas on the paper the night before and you wake up physically and mentally exhausted and your head is saying thoughts like “no you can’t do that” or “If you wear that eye shadow people will laugh at you” 24/7. Every minute of the day.
Not being out to go out to meet people who you want to see and messing up friendships with people as I’m scared I’m going to get hurt.
Concentration is one of my weaknesses when I’m having a bad day. I don’t have any. My mind wonders when I’m trying to write a simple text or even a blog post.
Overthinking situations what happened years ago. Waiting for a text back can be so upsetting and anxious.
What do my good days tend to be like?
Being able to wake up in the morning and getting out of bed in five minutes.
Being able to be productive without feeling like a failure.
Being able to go out for a daily stroll without feeling like I’m going to get hurt by someone.
Being able to laugh and smile for hours without feeling like I’m going to get punished later.
Making a phone call without feeling scared to talk to someone.
Wearing whatever I feel comfortable in and loving myself.
Listening to programs what dramatize or romanticize mental illness. I just want to scream at the TV and say, “Do you really think living with a mental illness is so perfect and a walk in the park?” Then you wonder why so many people stigmatise someone with an mental illness when there is shows saying it’s a walk in a park or people running about with knifes in their hands.
Trust me from a girl who has been battling mental illness for a long time. It’s not goals. It’s not perfect. It’s life changing. It’s horrible and I wouldn’t even wish the person I hate to battle a mental illness.
I’ve lost so many people due to being diagnosed with a mental illness.
I’ve lost confidence to mental illness.
I’ve lost my ability to speak out for myself when I’m having bad days.
But you know what mental illness hasn’t took?
I will never feel ashamed of having a mental illness ever again. If anyone ever drops me because of my illness again, it’s there loss not mine.
Because I’m still the same Shannon who loves Jon Snow and Game of thrones.
I’m the still Shannon who loves steak and mayo sandwiches!
I’m the still Shannon who loves make up and palettes!
My illness does not define me. No illness defines me. I am Shannon and I still have that cheeky bubbly personality. It’s just taking a vacation for a while until I’m better.
I’m not mad or crazy. I’m a human, just like you.
I eat my food with a knife and fork just like you. I listen to music just like you.
Don’t ever call me crazy or a lazy idiot when you are mad at me.
You might think it’s only words, but words can be hurtful and can kill someone.
See, I’m like you. We aren’t that different me and you. I just have some issues what I need to overcome in time and I will get back to the Shannon who borrows her brother beanie and dabs outside and doesn’t give a damn what people think about her.
If you notice anyone who are acting differently or being quieter than usual, please ask if they are okay.
Conversations save lives.
Conversations stamp out stigma.
Mental Health shouldn’t be a taboo subject. It should be a subject what can be talked about freely with anyone and anywhere at anytime.
You see, I’m Shannon, I’m 20 years old and I battle depression and anxiety daily. I am a warrior not a victim of mental illness, I will stamp out stigma one bit at a time. It’s okay not to be okay.
Till next time!