This post is very deep in my feels now.
But it’s true, I just want to feel loved for once without silly mind games and playing with my head. I can’t take any more. I battle my head and thoughts 24/7 so I don’t fancy battling with my feelings as well. I hate mind games. I want to feel good enough for once you know. I don’t want to feel like a burden to myself sometimes and I defiantly don’t want to be used for my body.
It’s like my body is good enough for sex but I’m not good enough as a person and that brings me down a bit you know.
Then I get told I’m perfect and so amazing.
Therefore, I rarely have emotion because I know, I will be hurt before it even started.
Sometimes I feel nothing but then other times I feel so much.
I’m not feeling 100%. I feel mentally exhausted now. I’ve been thinking about this “When will I feel good enough” Nonstop. I know it’s not good for me but right now my head is in the black cloud and I can’t stop thinking of different scenarios what won’t ever happen, but my head thinks different.
Sometimes, I just want to be told this.
“Shannon, you are enough. Don’t you dare give up. But it feels like right now, I’m lonely and no one bothers with me. It’s being anxious having friends but wanting friends, but my head just doesn’t want to cooperate with my body or even my feelings. I hate feeling this lonely as it makes my dark thoughts easy to get inside my head as quick as anything.”
Sometimes it’s hard to believe my head when I’m having bad days.
Till next time.
Love, Shannon x