Helloooo! Lovely viewers of my blog! You know I can talk about mental health until the cows come home. Which is amazing, and I won’t shut up about it until I’ve got my voice out about stigma on the subject of mental health.
What is my mental health condition?
I have two mental health conditions, social phobia disorder and depression. With my SPD, I suffer from panic attacks alongside the sweaty palms and racing heartbeat. While with my depression, sometimes I have suicidal thoughts then other times I have low moods and no pleasure in any of my interests and feeling alone but scared to make friends. I am hopeful that I will get better in time, but I’ve just got to be careful with my journey and this will be an on-going battle for the rest of my life.
How did I come to find out that I had SPD and Depression?
I think my SPD first triggered when I was at secondary school at the age of 14. But with my depression, I think it was an on-going thing since my mum passed away when I was nine years old. But, I finally got diagnosed at the age of 20!
Does it affect my daily living?
My SPD affects my daily living and has done in so many ways since battling this cruel illness. It made socializing thousand times harder. Sometimes, it’s difficult to even step outside for fresh air when I’m having my bad days. Also, my depression has affected my daily living and still does at this very moment. As it was a struggle to take care of myself and I get these moments of withdrawal and not being able to eat food as my head tells me I’m fat. It’s caused me to shut everyone out many times. I can’t plan days in advance as my mind over thinks of the task I’ve got to do, and my mind goes on shutdown mode that’s where my panic attacks come in and strike me when I’m at the lowest. I can’t keep relationships as I tend to shut people out when I’m feeling like a failure which isn’t my fault, but I do wish people would understand. So yes, it does affect my daily living and it’s horrible.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Do I take any medication for my mental health conditions?
Yes, quite frankly I do. Not because I’m weak or anything. It’s because it’s helping slowly day by day. I take Paroxetine. 20mg dose. I take it at 8:40am. I’m not ashamed of taking medication for my illnesses as I’m ill and I want to get better and If I’m honest, this is a bold statement but it’s true. If it wasn’t for paroxetine this week, I wouldn’t be here right now.
What medications have you taken so far?
When I got first diagnosed with depression, I was put on citalopram. That didn’t work for me at all. The side effects were horrible, and I was on the highest dose, but it didn’t help me at all. Then I was swapped on fluoxetine, that helped my SPD, but it didn’t help my depression and I was withdrawing from the things what I had so much joy in and I didn’t feel like I was improving. I felt like I was drowning again.
Have you had therapy while battling your mental health conditions?
Yes, I’ve had CBT. I can honestly hand on heart say it didn’t help me. It made me feel worse and I rarely open up and when the therapist was late to every session it didn’t help a single bit. I felt like I was being pushed to have improvements every week and If I said, I couldn’t get out of the house. All I got was, “you need to try harder”
I am open for trying different therapies.
Advice for those with the same condition as mine?
Your illnesses will never define you. Please talk to someone. Please seek help. You are not the illness, you are you. You are worth your recovery. Do not let anyone tell you different. Recovery takes time. You will get better. Healing sometimes isn’t a quick one and It’s okay not to feel okay. It’s okay to talk about your thoughts and feelings that are causing your pain.
I love you.
Till next time.
Love, Shannon Diana x
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Thank You x