We have a love/hate relationship don’t we? Some days we can get on so well then other days we crumble on the floor but that’s okay because we don’t need to be 100% all the time. Some days we can function well with daily tasks then other days we can’t remember her passwords, or we find it difficult to get out of bed because we are trying to find a way out of the black cloud. But that’s okay because we are trying our best to get out of the black cloud and we are breathing when we don’t want to be here anymore and that’s strong. When Shannon finally did speak out about her mental health problems I knew that we are going to start on the recovery track. We knew there would be dips in the journey as at first, we tried to blame it on hormones but in the end, we finally admitted we needed help but that’s okay to have help when we need it. Yeah, we have bad days together, but we also have amazing times what are worth remembering when we aren’t cooperating that well together.
Yeah at first, we both tried to fight the anti-depressants and mood stabilizers when Shannon started to take them and made them fight with our number one fan her body with the dreaded side effects! We made our relationship worse. We made her life hell. We made her body think Shannon’s body was weak. We made her sleep more then we made her have insomnia. We made her eat more then stop eating at all. Don’t forget the awful panic attacks we made her have and made her believe she was having a heart attack.
In the end, we didn’t want to admit we had a problem with each other because back then society told us and let Shannon believe that if you ever suffered those symptoms you were going “crazy”. What a load of bullshit. We thought we were okay together. We thought it was “normal” and it was just a teenage thing. Maybe if we had enough awareness back then it could be different for us right now. We didn’t want to let Shannon speak about the problems she had because we were scared that we were going to get Shannon judged and be discriminated against.
But yes, Shannon did get judged bad but, in the end, we must fight together to beat the issues we have together. We must fight for Shannon and prove so many people wrong who ever doubted her. We must fight for her recovery. Because we know we can go back to the where we left off before we got triggered by a traumatic effect which wasn’t no one’s fault. We need help. We don’t need to hear judgemental comments about how you look and how you act.
We don’t need to hear about how the medication is bad for us. We need to hear kindness and support. We need actions. We need to beat stigma. Because we nearly lost Shannon because of our problems we have together and that will never happen again as we are here for the long run to beat the problems we have together by using medication and therapy and one day we will be thinking of this part of Shannon’s life and think that we can beat anything that is thrown at us.
But do you know what?
It’s okay if we aren’t okay. It okay if we are having a low day because we know that Shannon’s heart is beating for us and giving us another day to carry on with our recovery. It’s okay if we are taking medication to support us because we need that extra help. It’s okay If we take a bit longer to get ready. It’s okay if sometimes we are thinking of suicidal thoughts because we can get out of that whether it takes 1 day or 30 days. We both know recovery doesn’t happen overnight, but we can do it because we are a team.
But do you know what isn’t okay?
Listening to judgemental views and comments about us. We aren’t mad or crazy. We are normal in our society right now and so many people are battling us together. Listening to stigma what isn’t needed.
Thank you for speaking out about us nearly 5 years ago. You have helped us battle the stigma and got us help and support what we need. Carry on speaking about us and spreading awareness of us as we need to break any stigma what is attached to us and to show people that it’s okay not to be okay and it’s okay to ask for help.
We might be your worst nightmare, but we have taught you a lot of things and we are boosting your confidence to speak about us.
Carry on fighting for us and you and Shannon’s body.
We love you brain and we believe in you even though we battle each other daily.
Social Phobia Disorder & Depression
All the best.
Shannon Diana xx
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