My Mental Illnesses Told Me I Wasn’t Good Enough, But Look At Me Now!

The past 7 years have seen me come to terms with the fact that I struggle with my mental health. The past 7 years have shown me how much I was dealing with at such a young age. 

At first, I didn’t do anything about it because I got told by numerous people that it was just a teenage phrase and just to get over it and stop being “stupid” that made me feel more silly about feeling this way when I had a house to live in and a family that loved me and friends at school. 

However, none of this helped because I always felt a burden to everyone because I felt I was going insane and no one was listening to, and I could never find the strength to speak out on how I was feeling and that I needed help. 

When my mental health got worse I started to suffer from physical symptoms; always would be blushing or chest pains and sweaty palms and suicidal thoughts. I felt hopeless and not good enough in my own head. 

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This is what my good and bad days look like! I look ok? Invisible Illnesses doesn’t portray broken bones. 

Oh. Don’t forget the awful panic attacks what I had to face alone and just tell myself that I would get help one day and that day will be soon. 

When I was 17 it got to the point, I could have been sectioned as I was so withdrawn, and I looked like a zombie physically and mentally. I needed that help and luckily my gran was checking on all the symptoms and she called a GP and asked for help. 

That was a waste of time. I got told just to go on a website. I wasn’t offered medication or therapy as I was 17 and I wasn’t allowed according to the doctors. 

I was in the deep black hole. I wanted to get out of it. I was being told, I wasn’t good enough to live every minute of the day. I was being suffocated by my own thoughts in my head. 

But thankfully, I got out of the black hole for a while until something traumatic happened and my head started to play again now at 20 years old but worse than I ever had my thoughts. I was getting more paranoid if I went out. I kept looking back every minute when I was working. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I’d have my hood up as I was so scared of social interaction.  

I went to see a doctor. This doctor saved my life. He finally listened to me when I was begging for help. I was on the point of death as I couldn’t deal with another judgemental doctor who patronised me and just told me it was “all in my head” well, of course, it’s in my head. You don’t hear of a mental illness in your leg, do you? 

Doctor Flenley and Doctor Ruffles are life savers and I can’t thank them enough. Doctor Flenley has been my doctor since I was 5 days old and I could not be more blessed to have him as my doctor as he listens to me and I finally can trust a doctor and tell them how I am feeling honestly without saying yeahhhh! I’m fine when I’m not. 

But towards July of 2017, I found myself getting more annoyed at how much stigma there was when you are dealing with mental illness and speaking out about mental health. It was one night when I was up at 3am with amazing insomnia I decided I wanted to do a blog about my experiences of mental illness and lifestyle bits also. I wanted to raise awareness and money for mental health organizations and NHS. As they are lacking in vital funding and they are cutting funding for mental health nearly every single day which is appalling! 

I wanted to give myself a focus as I was starting new medication and therapies… It did seem overwhelming at the time but now looking back I am so happy that I made that choice of making this blog. 

I also wanted to show how much impact our brain can affect daily tasks and prove to myself that I could do this, and I can battle these two illnesses again and of course recover from them!  

I did have problems at first along the way and not just the physical ones because I was so open about my mental health and my suicide attempt. I constantly faced doubt about whether I could do this blog and whether anyone would be interested in my writing. It took me until the first post that I shared on a Facebook group. “Aldridge Now and Then and Brownhills Bob” I shared that on Facebook that I too had experienced mental health problems and I wanted to raise awareness and the reaction was amazing. I had no hate just being praised and it was an amazing feeling. 

I’m just a normal 20-year-old who lives with her nan and brother and her little Jack Russell called Oscar. I’m not inspirational. I’m not famous or a celebrity. I’m me who wants to raise awareness of mental illness and end the stigma that is attached to mental health. 

I failed English with a C at school and I wasn’t a good writer at all. 

My depression and social phobia disorder are more under control now, it is still there, and I still have my down days. But I now know what I can do to make things better for myself like run myself a nice hot bath or watch YouTube while I’m having a bad time.

For once I am proud of what I have achieved and that I’m raising awareness for mental illness from my bad experiences. If this is helping you guys, then it’s helping me also with my recovery. 

I’m just me and that what helps with my blog. 

I have now downloaded an app what is amazing for mental health please check it out!

My username is SHANNONDIANAX 

Huddle – Apple 

Huddle – Android ( There is a waiting list for that app to be brought out to androids!)

All the best my loves! 

Love Shannon Diana xx 

If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me. 

Instagram- @Shannondianaxx  

Twitter- @SDianaax 

Email- ShannonDianax@outlook.com

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