I’ve written numerous posts thanking you for all your help, but I decided to make a brand new one and explain everything. How do I even begin to write this post, when I know the words I put will never truly be enough to thank you for all you have done for me and for saving my life? So, I’ll start from day 1.
You have been my doctor since I was 5 days old. I’ve seen my little red book what my parents had about my observations and the general baby stuff and I’ve seen that you were my main GP. I was a happy baby even though I had a hole in my heart when I was a toddler but thankfully that has healed from growing up to the 20-year old I am today.
I had the normal childhood with my parents and big brother. Until the age of 9 when sadly my mother passed away, she was my best friend so that affected me very badly. My teenage years was when my decline in my mental health. When I was 14, maybe when I was younger but at that age and there was not much awareness back then. I started withdrawing from daily things. I didn’t want to go to school because of the anxious feeling that I was going to get hurt or bullied and that nearly got my nan in trouble. No one asked if I was okay mentally. Everyone just told my nan she was a bad nan. I started to have self-esteem problems when I was 15. I hated looking in the mirror because I hated my face and body. I hated it so much. Some days I still have those low confidence issues today while I might seem the confident girl, I have my days where I hate every part of me.
I wasn’t going to school but when it came to my exams, I passed them. I got told I wasn’t going to make my dreams. I got told if you have trouble with your mind you’ll be locked up and they won’t let you out because you would be labelled as crazy. Sometimes I wish I had a physical illness at times when I was a teenager as it would have been invisible and would have got help sooner.
But what I’ve learnt from my mental health journey is that I’m not my illnesses. They are my ugly little sisters who sometimes just want to win but I will never let them win. I am the person who defines me not my illnesses.
My illnesses are my journey. I’ll be honest 2 years ago I wouldn’t never imagine myself being on YouTube let alone campaigning out in the community. Yeah, my social phobia disorder has tried to ruin these events many times, but it won’t ever win my life.
I’ve accepted that I am ill and battling demons and every day is a different day and I am not ashamed to say I have mental illnesses what affect my daily life. I’m not ashamed to say I take medication for the illnesses.
But what I am ashamed of is the fact that many people judge you at the first time they look at you. I’ve been judged many times. Everyone who has battled with their mind need support not judgemental opinions towards them.
Because a little sentence like “are you okay?” could save someone and it saved me.
There are so many more things I have to say, but simply not enough words to say them. So, I want to say Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and my families heart. I would not be the person I am today who’s campaigning on better treatment and awareness for people with mental illnesses and have lost their voices to these cruel mental illnesses if you weren’t there when I needed the help the most.
I also want to fight for the people who I have lost due to suicide. I want to stick two fingers up at mental illness.
Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you.
You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous.
Thank You once again.
Shannon Diana x
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