I just want to pre warn you on my grammar or spelling might not be 100% on this post and other posts! As I have decided to write posts on my phone when I’m feeling pretty shitty as I just have no energy to go get my laptop and open a word document and spell check then put in on WordPress and make a background.
Not because I “can’t” be arsed. It’s because I have zero energy. I’m sleeping far too much and my appetite well it’s like a ghost. You can’t see it. I only have to have a bite of a sandwich and ta dah! I’m full.
I can tell it’s getting bad again. I have no motivation for life that much anymore. I push myself to go and wash my hair the past couple of days. As the voice in my head kept making excuses.
I’m not the best blogger. I can’t pretend that I’m always fine and can get things done because if I’m honest. I’m not fine. I feel empty and I just feel life is passing me and I’m not moving anywhere.
But I can promise you this one thing. I’ll always tell you guys what’s on my heart and I’ll always be 100% honest on here as there’s no shame in the way I’m feeling and I shouldn’t filter my feelings!
I organised an time to change event. I loved every bit. Everyone said how amazing it was. But in general the voices kept telling me how I was going to ramble on and how I’m going to embarrass myself. I knew I could of done better and I could of said other things.
I got nominated for an award from the WHG ROCC RISING STAR AWARD! I didn’t win the big one but I did win and it’s the taking part what counts the most! I felt so overwhelmed if I’m honest. I’ve never ever been nominated for one of those awards. ME?! Of all people. I have no talents.
I’m just the most average girl you’ll ever meet living life to the full even if I do have social phobia disorder and other ugly mental illnesses. My music taste is random as anything. One minute I can listen to rap then boom I’m listening to 90s music. I just want to help people who battle mental illness like myself and I want to end the stigma what I’ve faced in my 11 years of mental illness.
Here’s a picture of me and my cheesy grin over balloons!
Yeah, it gets me down sometimes when I see tweets like “scheduled 7 posts today” I wish I could do that. But I always remember I’m still a blogger and I’m still helping other people even if I post 5 times a month.
It’s all about the quality not quantity.
Maybe, I’ll feel better once it all sinks it as it’s been a long 2 weeks for my brain. Maybe it’s my medication not working properly. But I know I won’t let this win my life.
As let’s be honest.
I’m still the pretty average girl with a desire to help other people and make mental health a priority.
Hope you are all okay.
If you aren’t remember it’s okay not to be okay.
I love you all.
Shannon Diana xx