As you are aware in the social media. Mental illness and mental health isn’t portrayed in a good way.
As it’s 11:35pm on a Monday evening. I can’t sleep as my head is in bits so I thought, I’d write on my blog.
I have been diagnosed with social phobia disorder & depression since 19, I’ve been battling it undiagnosed since I was a little child. I am suspected to have Bipolar & BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) & PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
At a time. I was ashamed of being labelled of having a mental illness. But in all reality we are all unique in our own body & minds.
But the stigma what is attached on my illnesses did make me feel awful but now I’m just like so what? I’m ill, I’m not a danger to anyone. I’m not dangerous. I’m not weird. I’m Shannon Diana! If it was a physical illness you’d understand so why can’t you understand that I have a mental illness what I can’t control and I didn’t choose this.
So I wanted to create this post as this is some of the things I’ve heard on social media and in life when I tell someone about my illnesses. So here goes.
But I hate negativity. I want to bring some positivity into this post.
Social Anxiety Disorder(Social Phobia)
What some people tell me:
You must be shy then?
Do you get awkward when you are with your family?
You must be so awkward to talk too?
You’re just ignorant and just want to ignore people.
You’re faking it.
What Social Anxiety Disorder has taught me:
Appreciation for the good days and the places where I can comfortably go to where I don’t have a panic attack or paranoia thoughts.
My safe zones have saved my life. The places I cherish the most. Take for example: The THOMAS Project.
Cherish the people who I meet as they take time to get to know me and they don’t judge me.
What some people tell me:
You’re miserable then?
Do you want to die then?
Do you cry a lot?
You don’t seem depressed.
You’re smiling though so you can’t be depressed.
What depression has taught me:
Appreciate the good days when I’m having a bad day.
Don’t always blame yourself when having a bad day.
Always take time to appreciate life when you’re having a good mental health day.
Tell someone how you are feeling and ask for help when you need help. Don’t suffer in silent. Speak out.
You’re allowed to have a day of crying and letting the emotion out and talking about it.
I’m strong for battling my demons every single day and minute of my life.
BPD- (Borderline Personality Disorder)
What people have told me about BPD:
You’re emotionally unstable.
You’re too clingy.
You have too many emotions.
You’re too intense.
Bad at friendships & relationships.
Sometimes you don’t feel like you are a person. You feel like you’re paused but everyone is continually moving.
What BPD has taught me:
Appreciating friends & family more.
I am compassionate to other people and I have a understanding of their emotions and I understand how it feels to feel certain ways so I can help other people.
I can be spontaneous at times! When I want to feel the moment of my life!
I know when something is wrong with someone and I could easily save a life.
What people say about Bipolar Disorder!
Bad at making friendships and relationships and keeping them.
Impulsively leads to criminal acts.
What Bipolar Disorder has taught me:
Some of my ideas are amazing and it helps other people not just myself.
Self confidence in my self. I believe in myself.
You realise who your real friends are when you are having a high or a low episode.
I’m good at observing and noticing changes what are important.
I love helping people not just myself.
Mental illness isn’t me. I’m Shannon. Mental Illness doesn’t breathe for me. I breathe for me.
I’ve been thinking mental illness is horrible and it took my voice away from me when I started my journey but now since I’ve got my voice back slowly and started campaigning and spreading awareness toward mental illness. It’s my best friend then other times it can be the worst evilest demon ever. I’m still recovering every single day. I have my bad days. But my good days are amazing and I appreciate them.
I’m not ashamed anymore of saying I have a mental illness. I need medication to help stabilise my mood and I’m not ashamed of that and I’m not ashamed of being me. I love me.
I will update you all of my diagnoses when I know what happening as I’m completely clueless until my next psychiatrist appointment and we do another mental health assessment.
Thank you for all of the support I am receiving. I love you all.
Shannon Diana x