It’s your girl Shan.
It’s Wednesday 22nd of August at 10:03pm!
This time last year I was suicidal and had big intentions of taking my own life. I made the plan, I started writing letters to family and friends. I wanted to feel free from the pain I have been feeling from nine years old. No one noticed that I was feeling suicidal because I put a fake smile on and they believed that I was alright. I have no one to blame, not even myself because back then I was seriously mentally unwell. It’s no one fault. Suicide is a silent killer. You can’t spot someone who’s suicidal until it’s too late.
I had this blog but I didn’t write anything as I was so scared that I would be judged. To think, me Shannon Diana an award-winning mental health blogger? I’m still speechless that anyone would want to listen to me let alone follow my daily posts.
My old school said I’d fail at life if I didn’t have over 85% of attendance and if I didn’t have A* in every subject, but in reality grades don’t mean anything. You are still human whether you have grades or not.
Grades shouldn’t be important. Our mental and physical health are more important than grades.
But in reality, this is my getaway when my demons are being a pain. I have bad days where sometimes my motivation is completely all over the place. Where I can’t even string up a sentence because my head feels like I am about to explode and cry and I have had moments where I just wanted to delete my blog as when I had bad days I self doubted myself far too much.
I’m now twenty years old soon to be twenty-one in 6 weeks!
Fast forward a year now, I still have daily suicidal thoughts. But now, I know what to do when I am experiencing those type of thoughts and I know that it is okay to feel the way I do, I know some days are going to be hard and some days I will feel a bit better.
My triggers are starting to get a hold of my emotions and I am crying more but that’s okay because I know I need to get all those emotions what I am feeling because if I keep them locked away inside my head brewing up, it will affect my mental well-being and I’ll go back to stage one.
It is perfectly okay to admit when you’re not okay.
My bad days make me appreciate my good days. When I am feeling like everything is getting on top of me, I just breathe and just say to myself: Everything is going to be okay Shan, keep fighting.
I am doing things my way and in my own pace and that’s okay. Mental illness isn’t going to get the last laugh. I am.
I fight for my health and for other peoples health every single say in a way most people won’t understand, we aren’t lazy. We are warriors!
Just so you know,
If you don’t feel like talking to yet, I’ll always be here and I’ll help out any way I can. You aren’t alone.
I know how it feels to be pushed aside. But listen, you are amazing and I’m proud of you so much.
Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you.
You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous. You aren’t alone. You are amazing and I’m proud of you all.
You can beat these thoughts. I believe in you. I will always be there for you even if it’s on the internet or email or even in person one day. You are loved. You are needed in this world because you are YOU. You are badass for battling mental illness daily. I care about every single one of you. You are more than enough. You don’t need to please anyone else.
God Bless x
Love Shannon Diana xx
Here is some numbers to contact if you are expierencing a mental health crisis:
Samaritians- For everyone! 24 hours, 7 days a week:
Call this number – 116 123
Email address is Jo@samaritans.org
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For Men! 5pm to midnight every day.
Call this number: 0800 58 58 58
Webpage chat room if you don’t want to phone the link is: Webpage Chat
Papyrus- For people under 35! Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm. Weekends 2pm to 10pm. Bank Holidays 2pm to 5pm.
Phone number: 0800 068 41 41
Text Number: 07786 209697
Childline- For children and young people under 19.
Call 0800 1111 (Number won’t show up on your phone bill)
The Silver Line- For older people
Call: 0800 4 70 80 90
In the US: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433
In Austraila- Call Lifeline Austraila at 13 11 14
Other places you could go or ring in a crisis in UK:
- Call your GP- Ask for an emergency appointment.
- Call 111 – Out of hours- They will help you find the support and help you need.
- Contact your mental health crisis team if you have one.
If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me.