Trigger Warning⚠️ – Suicidal,self harming thoughts..
As it’s #invisibleillnessesawarenessweek I decided to be open with my MH. I don’t want to upset anyone but I’m raising awareness.
I’ve been triggered by a lot of factors in my daily life. Mainly pressure to please every damn person and i didn’t even look after myself. I tired my hardest not to fall back down to this path. But I couldn’t help it.
I’m mentally ill.. that word might scare ya. No I’m not running around with knifes or god knows what. I’m on the sofa with my duvet around with me as the intense thoughts are draining.
I’m 21 in a 16 days. I don’t want any presents or anything. I don’t want to celebrate that day. I just want to feel better than how I’ve been feeling past 2 weeks.
Because honestly I don’t want to be here with this pain anymore. I look physically fit but mentally I’m dead. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t feel anything. I just feel dead inside. I know I’ve gotta keep breathing but it’s hard right now to even think about future.
I’m having a real bad MH relapse. I’m ill. Not physically ill but mentally ill.
My medication isn’t working but I still have to take it until my emergency appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. My CMHT wants me to go into hospital for a “break”, but that decision is down to the doctor I see Tuesday.
So yeah.. just because I have a smile on my face sometimes. Doesn’t mean I’m not battling.
See ya later, I’m having a break from social media and my blog. So hopefully next time I update my blog, I’ll be in a better frame of mind, I’ll still upload on Instagram x
Love Shannon Diana xx