There must be heaven in this hell that I’m living.

Trigger Warning- Talking about self harm & suicidal thoughts & substance abuse & self-esteem issues. 

Hello everyone, 

I had a bit of time of blogging for a bit as my mental health has been declining again and I want to bring out epic and honest content. I wasn’t okay, I was mentally exhausted. I know when my mental health is declining when I sleep much more & isolate myself. 

Today, I wish could say I feel happy but that would be lying. I’m just feeling emotionally numb at the moment. I can notice my social phobia traits are coming back with a fight. My paranoia is high at the moment. 

This isn’t a feel sorry for me post. Because I don’t need that. It’s raising awareness post. To show you what mental illnesses are like. Just because you can’t see the pain, it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

My demons are trying to win this battle. But I promise you that I’m fighting my hardest. I haven’t missed my medication. I’m trying my hardest to go out but it’s physically & mentally exhausting to even step out the door. The paranoia that I’m going to get hurt. 

Last night felt like I was back in 2017 and first started my blog. Suicidal & lonely. It doesn’t matter whether there is a room full of people. I still feel lonely & disgusting. I feel awful about my body.  

I just want this feeling to go. It’s so intense. I just want to feel happy again. I hate this numb feeling. I don’t need to be told that’s there are worst people suffering more than me out in the world because I know there is and I feel awful about feeling this way right now. 

I’m doing everything that the doctors are telling me to do. I hate being called boring just because I don’t drink alcohol because I know alcohol is my biggest trigger and it will lead to a trigger to my misuse of substances.  

I’m not ok. But that’s ok. I’m trying my hardest. I promise you all. 

I’m sorry this isn’t a positive post. But mental health isn’t all positive.

Love you lots 

Shannon Diana  xx

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It is perfectly okay to admit when you’re not okay.

 Mental or physical illness isn’t going to get the last laugh. I am

I fight for my health and for other peoples health every single day in a way most people won’t understand, we aren’t lazy. We are warriors! 

If you don’t feel like talking to yet, I’ll always be here and I’ll help out any way I can. You aren’t alone. 

I know how it feels to be pushed aside. But listen, you are amazing and I’m proud of you so much. 

Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you. 

You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous. You aren’t alone. You are amazing and I’m proud of you all. 

You can beat these thoughts. I believe in you. I will always be there for you even if it’s on the internet or email or even in person one day.  You are loved. You are needed in this world because you are YOU. You are badass for battling mental illness daily. I care about every single one of you. You are more than enough. You don’t need to please anyone else.

Here are some numbers to contact if you are experiencing a mental health crisis: 

Samaritans For everyone! 24 hours, 7 days a week: 

Call this number – 116 123 

Email address is Jo@samaritans.org 

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For Men!  5pm to midnight every day.

Call this number: 0800 58 58 58 

Webpage chat room if you don’t want to phone the link is: Webpage Chat

Papyrus- For people under 35! Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm. Weekends 2pm to 10pm. Bank Holidays 2pm to 5pm. 

Phone number: 0800 068 41 41 

Text Number: 07786 209697

Email: Pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline- For children and young people under 19. 

Call 0800 1111 (Number won’t show up on your phone bill) 

The Silver Line- For older people 

Call: 0800 4 70 80 90 

In the US: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433

In Austraila- Call Lifeline Austraila at 13 11 14

In other countries- Visit ISAP OR Suicide.org to find a helpline in your country. 

Other places you could go or ring in a crisis in UK: 

  1. Call your GP- Ask for an emergency appointment. 
  2. Call 111 – Out of hours- They will help you find the support and help you need. 
  3. Contact your mental health crisis team if you have one. 

If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me.

Instagram- @Shannondianaxx  

Twitter- @SDianaax 

Email- ShannonDianax@outlook.com

Facebook Page- Mental Health & My Life

3 thoughts on “There must be heaven in this hell that I’m living.

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