Emotionally Exhausted At 4am.

Hey Fam! How are you today? I hope you are all okay and if you aren’t feeling ok. Just remember that’s it ok not to be ok and I hope you can get the right support you need and if you want to talk please remember that I’m here and the correct charities are here to support you! 

I’m feeling exhausted. I’m feeling broken. I just want to hug my mum but I can’t as she’s no longer here. So, I thought I’d vent on here? I feel like we are back on the 2017 stage when I first started the blog. 

I finally said that’s enough of the stupid games of being deleted then blocked then speaking again in another couple of months and so on.. and I called it quits with my old situationship. It was mentally exhausting trying to talk to that person as it would lead up to stupid arguments of the past mistakes and so on. It was toxic and negative. Let’s be honest… At the start, it was amazing. I felt like I was the only girl. I wish ha! It felt like I was good enough.. He was a true gentleman. Our first kiss was at the bus stop where we use to live! Ha! Then times changed. We both just stated casual sex without no feelings as we were both emotionally unavailable we said. I didn’t give it out on the first couple of times then we met again and then he started going on about being boyfriend and girlfriend. Bare in mind I was having a manic episode and I was all over the place. I was well happy then the day after he messaged me going on about his ex.

Thinking back about it… I guess that was my warning sign? Plus, my friends did not and still don’t like him to this very day. But, I stayed because at that time.. I wanted to fill that void of emptiness I was feeling back then in 2017. I’ve been through so much with him. You’d of thought it would bring you closer but sadly it didn’t. I’m not an angel. I did stupid things to hurt him like when we had a row and we blocked each other then I stupidly started to talk to his pals. (Not the best idea, but when you angry, I guess you’d do anything!)

There are loads more to this but I Just can’t open up about that yet. Maybe I’ll be good enough one day eh. 

I’m not going to slate him to the cows come home because I guess this is just a life experience.

Yeah, I kinda just wanted to vent my feelings as it’s 4am on a Tuesday morning and the whole family is asleep upstairs and I feel pretty alone and heartbroken If I can say that?

If he sees this, I tried my best. I really did. I should have told you I loved you but you was there for me when no one was and I was there for you when you had no one. We kinda had our ups and more downs but somehow we both kept taking each other back. It’s sad that we can’t be friends but I guess that’s life.

I still have that little bit of love for you even though I know I shouldn’t. Maybe you’ll find me in someone else and I hope she makes you happy.

Wise words from Cardi B song- It’s gonna hurt me to hate you but lovin you is worse! (Be Careful – Cardi B) 

Love you lots x 

Shannon Diana x 

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Mental illness isn’t going to get the last laugh. I am

I fight for my health and for other people’s health every single day in a way most people won’t understand, we aren’t lazy. We are warriors! 

If you don’t feel like talking to yet, I’ll always be here and I’ll help out any way I can. You aren’t alone. 

I know how it feels to be pushed aside. But listen, you are amazing and I’m proud of you so much. 

Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you. 

You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous. You aren’t alone. You are amazing and I’m proud of you all. 

You can beat these thoughts. I believe in you. I will always be there for you even if it’s on the internet or email or even in person one day.  You are loved. You are needed in this world because you are YOU. You are badass for battling mental illness daily. I care about every single one of you. You are more than enough. You don’t need to please anyone else.

Here is some numbers to contact if you are expierencing a mental health crisis: 

Samaritians- For everyone! 24 hours, 7 days a week: 

Call this number – 116 123 

Email address is Jo@samaritans.org 

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For Men!  5pm to midnight every day.

Call this number: 0800 58 58 58 

Webpage chat room if you don’t want to phone the link is: Webpage Chat

Papyrus- For people under 35! Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm. Weekends 2pm to 10pm. Bank Holidays 2pm to 5pm. 

Phone number: 0800 068 41 41 

Text Number: 07786 209697

Email: Pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline- For children and young people under 19. 

Call 0800 1111 (Number won’t show up on your phone bill) 

The Silver Line- For older people 

Call: 0800 4 70 80 90 

In the US: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433

In Austraila- Call Lifeline Austraila at 13 11 14

In other countries- Visit ISAP OR Suicide.org to find a helpline in your country. 

Other places you could go or ring in a crisis in UK: 

  1. Call your GP- Ask for an emergency appointment. 
  2. Call 111 – Out of hours- They will help you find the support and help you need. 
  3. Contact your mental health crisis team if you have one. 

If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me.

Instagram- @Shannondianaxx  

Twitter- @SDianaax 

Email- ShannonDianax@outlook.com

Facebook Page- Mental Health & My Life

21 Buttons – ShannonDianaxx

 

 

 

 

 

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