Hello, my lovely followers and readers of my blog! I hope you haven’t missed me that much! 😉
I hope you are all okay and if you aren’t feeling ok. Just remember that’s it ok not to be ok and I hope you can get the right support you need and if you want to talk please remember that I’m here and the correct charities are here to support you!
If you haven’t seen my recent blog post.
Please check it out, my loves!
I’ve been trying to write this post for a long time now. I wrote how many paragraphs and deleted it all as I was scared and I didn’t want to think about it all. But I know if I talk about it. I could help someone. I hope.
Back in 2017.
I was 18 nearly 19. I was trying to hide my feelings from being groomed. I wasn’t medicated right. My dad had a heart attack. I was breaking my family trust. I didn’t trust no one. I craved validation from my exes. I wasn’t happy. I faked smiling. I wanted to pretend to myself and everyone I was ok but in reality. I was suffering from weekly mixed depressive/manic episodes and real bad psychosis. I was self-harming daily. I was abusing substances. I was crying and taking tablets and drinking vodka in bus stops. I’d go out every single night without fail. Met my ex at stupid times at night. Spent ridiculously amount of money on hotel rooms with my ex boyfriend for that validation.
Hangovers were the worse. The banging headaches. The pain of reality. I thought abusing substances would kill those thoughts and voices. I was experiencing. But, it doubled the thoughts and made the voices louder.
I remember crying in bathrooms, looking at myself in the mirror while drinking vodka straight. I remembered I banged my head once while going to a taxi. I got taken to the hospital straight away. I woke up after I had a nap, wondering why I was there. Wasting people time. I guessed they noticed my drinking and that. Because I was seen by the community mental health team and they sent home treatment for 6 weeks.
Looking back now as I’m in 2019 and I am 21. I was crying for help. I was desperate. for help from someone. I needed someone to say, Shan, it’s going to be ok. You’re not going crazy.
Eventually, I got that help.
But I wish I got that help sooner. As now, I’m constantly battling those after-effects of substance abusing. But now, I’m feeling stronger than ever!
Till next time!
With lots of love!
Shannon Diana xx
Mental illness isn’t going to get the last laugh. I am.
I fight for my health and for other people’s health every single day in a way most people won’t understand, we aren’t lazy. We are warriors!
If you don’t feel like talking to yet, I’ll always be here and I’ll help out any way I can. You aren’t alone.
I know how it feels to be pushed aside. But listen, you are amazing and I’m proud of you so much.
Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you.
You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous. You aren’t alone. You are amazing and I’m proud of you all.
You can beat these thoughts. I believe in you. I will always be there for you even if it’s on the internet or email or even in person one day. You are loved. You are needed in this world because you are YOU. You are badass for battling mental illness daily. I care about every single one of you. You are more than enough. You don’t need to please anyone else.
Here is some numbers to contact if you are experiencing a mental health crisis:
Samaritans- For everyone! 24 hours, 7 days a week:
Call this number – 116 123
Email address is Jo@samaritans.org
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For Men! 5pm to midnight every day.
Call this number: 0800 58 58 58
Webpage chat room if you don’t want to phone the link is: Webpage Chat
Papyrus- For people under 35! Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm. Weekends 2pm to 10pm. Bank Holidays 2pm to 5pm.
Phone number: 0800 068 41 41
Text Number: 07786 209697
Childline- For children and young people under 19.
Call 0800 1111 (Number won’t show up on your phone bill)
The Silver Line- For older people
Call: 0800 4 70 80 90
In the US: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433
In Austraila- Call Lifeline Austraila at 13 11 14
Other places you could go or ring in a crisis in UK:
- Call your GP- Ask for an emergency appointment.
- Call 111 – Out of hours- They will help you find the support and help you need.
- Contact your mental health crisis team if you have one.
If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me.
Facebook Page- Mental Health & My Life