Hey all, I’m currently typing on my iPad at the moment as it’s much easier than going on the laptop at the mo, due to my mental health. Apologies if there are some mistakes with grammar or spelling but I will try my best not to make any mistakes but I am only human!
Hello, my lovely followers and readers of my blog! I hope you haven’t missed me that much!
I hope you are all okay and if you aren’t feeling ok. Just remember that’s it ok not to be ok and I promise you can get the right support you need if you reach out to someone and if you want to talk please remember that I’m here and the correct charities are here to support you!
If you haven’t seen my recent fitness/ beauty/mental health/gaming/fashion/lifestyle related blog post.
Hello my loves, Hi, how are ya? It’s the weekend. Wooooooooo Hooooo!
You all know that on Wednesday 13th of February 2019, I got diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder mixed episode. If you didn’t know the post is here: 13.02.2019 – The Day What Changed My Life please check that post out before you read this one.
I’ve been reading online that once you get a diagnosis of a mental illness you are in a prison sentence. My personal opinion is that’s utter crap. Living with any type of mental illness daily non stop has a feeling of being imprisoned with your own mind but having a diagnosis of a mental illness doesn’t mean you are in prison for life.
I hate writing that I suffer from bipolar disorder. Because bipolar isn’t me. I’m Shannon Diana or Shan as my pals know me by. Yes, I may be living with bipolar disorder every single day of my life but bipolar isn’t Shannon. It doesn’t control my breathing for me. It doesn’t make my heart beat for me. It doesn’t make me walk.
I have already came to terms with having a bipolar diagnosis as I’ve had that floating about for a year or so with my other illnesses. But when I did get that letter with the doctor & it wrote ‘Bipolar Affective Disorder Current Mixed Episode” I had that little sink in the stomach feeling but that’s totally normal but I also had the feeling that all that time I was fighting my hardest. Going to GPS for weekly mental health check ups. Being in A&E with mental health crisis 2017 & 2018. I was being listened too. I was actually being listen too and now I know what I am battling with. They can do the correct treatment and safety plan.
I battle daily with social anxiety and depression. But I’m not social anxiety or depression. It’s just a part of my life and I am trying my hardest to beat that.
I battle psychosis with my bipolar. I hear voices when I have bad depressive & manic episodes. They either tell me that I shouldn’t go to the doctors or I shouldn’t take my meds when I’m on a high. When I’m on a low they tell me I need to hurt myself as I’m worthless and no one will ever love me.
Some days I have so many creative ideas which is so awesome when it comes to my blog. But sometimes it can make me get really really hyped up about something and I can’t think about anything else until I do that thing. Sometimes I dye my hair when I’m manic. I’ve been a red head how many times!
Sometimes I’m really chatty & confident and talk real fast. Sometimes promises things what I can’t do and go out and spend recklessly due to my impulsiveness that my brain is telling me I need things but in actual fact, I just need someone to sit with me and say this is a high moment let me keep your bank account so you don’t get into debt.
That’s when you need to keep an eye on me but other days I can be so silent and the fatigued kills my energy to even go for a bath or brush my hair. That’s when you need keep a eye on me also.
Some weeks I have balanced moods and my brain tries to tell me that I need to stop my medication and I’m completely fixed. But that’s when I need the medication the most as I know that I will either get too depressive or too manic and that can lead to me relapsing and ending up in A&E.
Just because I have a diagnosis of bipolar, it hasn’t changed my life. I still have my highs and lows on the same day. I still have the same hair colour. I still eat the same food, I still sleep the way I do now. I’m not my diagnosis. I’m Shannon. I’m 21. I love Lord of The Rings. It’s not a life sentence. It’s the start of my recovery journey.
I have my bad days where I think I can’t do this anymore, but I also have my good days where I’m beating mental illnesses asses one step at a time.
As I say to my grandma, it’s just a feature to my life and I just need to beat it every day.
Bipolar has so many negatives but it also has positives.
Getting a mental illness diagnosis isn’t a life sentence.. It’s the start of a correct recovery journey. You get your bad days but also you get your good days.
I was the same girl before walking into the doctors than I was when I got my diagnosis and walked out the doctors.
You aren’t your diagnosis, You are you. You define you not your illness.
Till next time!
With lots of love!
Shannon Diana xx
Mental illness isn’t going to get the last laugh. I am.
I fight for my health and for other people’s health every single day in a way most people won’t understand, we aren’t lazy. We are warriors!
If you don’t feel like talking to yet, I’ll always be here and I’ll help out any way I can. You aren’t alone.
I know how it feels to be pushed aside. But listen, you are amazing and I’m proud of you so much.
Just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay you know, even the happiest person in the universe has their bad days. You can get through this dark hole. I believe in you.
You are loved. You are worth the fight. You are more than your illnesses, you can fight this I believe in you. You are flawless. You are fabulous. You aren’t alone. You are amazing and I’m proud of you all.
You can beat these thoughts. I believe in you. I will always be there for you even if it’s on the internet or email or even in person one day. You are loved. You are needed in this world because you are YOU. You are badass for battling mental illness daily. I care about every single one of you. You are more than enough. You don’t need to please anyone else.
Here is some numbers to contact if you are experiencing a mental health crisis:
Samaritans- For everyone! 24 hours, 7 days a week:
Call this number – 116 123
Email address is Jo@samaritans.org
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For Men! 5pm to midnight every day.
Call this number: 0800 58 58 58
Webpage chat room if you don’t want to phone the link is: Webpage Chat
Papyrus- For people under 35! Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm. Weekends 2pm to 10pm. Bank Holidays 2pm to 5pm.
Phone number: 0800 068 41 41
Text Number: 07786 209697
Childline- For children and young people under 19.
Call 0800 1111 (Number won’t show up on your phone bill)
The Silver Line- For older people
Call: 0800 4 70 80 90
In Austraila- Call Lifeline Austraila at 13 11 14
Other places you could go or ring in a crisis in UK:
- Call your GP- Ask for an emergency appointment.
- Call 111 – Out of hours- They will help you find the support and help you need.
- Contact your mental health crisis team if you have one.
If you would like to contact me for PR or any collaborations or even support if you are going through a bad time. Please follow my social media accounts and email me.
Fitness/Gaming Instagram– @FitGurlShan
Facebook Page- Mental Health & My Life