Deciding to have kids when you have a mental illness is not a decision to take lightly, but that goes for those who don’t have mental illness as well. I am at an age now where I am thinking about my future and what it holds for me. When I was a little girl, I played with dolls and pretended to have a little family. Like all little girls do when they are growing up. When I was 13/14. I always use to say “No, I don’t want to be married or have kids” and that was totally ok. You don’t have to get married or have kids for anyone. But now over the past couple of years. Seeing my best friend has her little girl and she’s beautiful even though she has little meltdowns like any baby does. I’ve been thinking, I can’t wait to have my own child when I am financially and mentally ready. I can’t wait to have mini me’s and the person who I’d hopefully love.
Anyway, on that point, I am in many Bipolar UK support groups on my social media and have seen this question floating around on my newsfeed hell of a lot lately. “Can you have a family, even if you have Bipolar?”
So, I did a little research. I asked a lot of people who have bipolar and who hasn’t got bipolar that question.
Someone said to me that I shouldn’t have kids in my future because I have bipolar. This person said I might not be a good mum because I could possibly go manic or depressed at some point. This person said I would not be able to handle the hormones, stress and lack of sleep of being a new mum and that I might hurt my baby if I had a manic or depressive episode.
On that debate. If I was mentally well. Would I still be able to handle it all? That’s my answer.
What this person said was an obvious example of the stigma of people with mental illness face in every aspect of their lives. I am a believer that people who have bipolar can do anything a mentally well person can do with the correct medication, correct support group and correct treatment plan.
Yes, having a baby is stressful. It’s not a walk in the park. It’s financially and mentally and physically stressful and exhausting. I can understand the worries that a person may have. But in that statement, you could include that if the new mum has constant support and guidance while she’s pregnant and after pregnancy and no judgement. That the new mum would just be like a mentally well person.
Some people can function with mental illness and that’s ok.
Some people can’t function with mental illness and that’s ok.
Because if someone had diabetes, would they say oh you can’t live alone or have a family? No. It’s a completely different story. They’d get help and guidance. It seems like it’s one rule for one and one rule for another. That isn’t fair. I know life isn’t fair but at least support everyone equally instead of brushing a label on people who have a mental health problem.
I 100% will know I need that extra guidance on my bad weeks but when I’m having good weeks, I will know that I will be the best mum I can be.
If you don’t want kids and you are mentally well. That’s ok babe. If you don’t want kids and you have a mental illness. Guess what? That’s ok boo. If you want kids and you are mentally well. That’s ok. If you want kids and you have a mental illness. Guess what? That’s ok!
On that note, I am going now to chill and spend the weekend with my Nan and watch the new game of thrones Monday and will tell you what I think of the new last season! Remember folks, love and support each other! No judgement or negative vibes!
See ya later x
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