Old ways won’t open new doors

Hello, world..

It’s me your girl Shannon, as you can properly tell on my blog. Everything got deleted. Sorry if I worried anyone but, I needed a break as is it was getting too much for me and I just wanted my own privacy. I don’t want to be known as that girl with Bipolar disorder who blogs about it if I’m 100% honest. For one, I’m not ashamed of having bipolar at all. I’ve accepted that it’s in my life. I’m not ashamed to say I needed help back in the years of having this blog over how many years.

I’ve done my bit of fundraising for mental health charities and I loved it. I really did. Some of it made me very ill but some of the fundraisings helped me a lot with speaking about my issues and what I need to do to get back to recovery!

Being a mental health blogger has been epic. I loved speaking and meeting new people. But there have been some negatives about speaking about everything on here.. I want privacy now as I’ve got older and I deserve privacy.

Talking about real-life issues such as my past and self-harm, It’s not helping me right now as self-harm is a big trigger for me and I don’t want to trigger a relapse again as my social anxiety has been tested to its limit past couple of months. I just want to forget what happened to me in my pass. When I get the correct therapy, I might talk about it again.

But at this present time, I can’t battle those demons yet as it will make me go back to step one and I really don’t want that to happen. So, I’m taking day by day with my illness as it so unpredictable at times. I can’t plan stuff yet as my head just doesn’t corporate with my body.

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When I have good weeks, those weeks mean the world to me and I’ve worked super hard for them. But when I have bad weeks, I wish I could just curl up into a ball and just not exist.

I realised I can’t live on my own let as it would be too stressful. I have realised hell of a lot lately. Some positives but also some negatives. As everyone knows that my blog is just my hobby. It’s not my job. I realised I can’t be a mental health nurse as that would be too stressful with my illness to cope with UNI and everything! I’ve realised my true friends lately. I can count them on my fingers.

I still want to raise awareness but I want to do it my way. Bipolar has been shitty to me the past couple of years. But it has given me some great skills such as creativity and being passionate about something that is close to my heart.

But yeah, I just want to thank everyone who ever has supported me. I’ll still blog but when I can as I can’t say oh I will do this and that one day and this the other day because my illness is so unpredictable.

I am a very strong girl. I’ve been fighting this illness since my mum died and my dad had a heart attack. I decided with my nurse that I would try and do 2 hobbies until I’m back and can handle everything at once.

Drawing and art have helped me these past couples of hard months. Fitness has helped me as well.. So, I am gonna try that for a few months to see if it will help me. I will continue to write on here but when I can and what I post will be what I’m comfortable with.

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Once again, thank you for your support. As it has shown me that I am good enough and I am wanted.

Love from Shannon x

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