TW – This post is about my illness and suicidal and triggering thoughts. Please do not read this post if this is an trigger for you.
Hello my fabulous readers,
This is my first blog post since I have return back to blogging. So I thought why not write about the whole coronavirus situation while also battling with my brain.
I am feeling shit about life. I am suicidal. I am feeling so lost in this world but also paranoid and anxious to even go for a walk.. My moods have been more down than up. My illness has really stuck the claws in even more this past 3 months than ever if I am honest.
You ever swipe through Instagram while eating your cornflakes with your unbrushed hair from how many days thinking oh I wish I was that pretty… I am battling with my body image real bad but you know what? WE ARE ALL PERFECT. Beauty has no rules and whoever say that they do. They are probably talking through their arses and drinking their bullshit tea through a straw!
Sometimes we need to take time off from social media and triggering content. Because it can mess you up real bad. I am kind of ranting here but it is helping me to write about how I am feeling deep inside.
I am not much of a talker. I get all clammy and quite agitated talking about the trauma and how I feel. I wish I was but just like me, other people find it hard to talk but writing I feel so free and I can write for ages.
We need to normalise not talking to people who don’t help until we are in an good mindset because that what damages us even more is speaking to someone when you are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. But we do need to talk to people who are healthy for us and who will help us through our tough times.
But you know what? I am ready to fight back for my life with the help from my medication and the help from my family and friends.
If you need to talk about how you are feeling right now. Please ring 116 123. Samaritans have saved my life numerous times and I am so grateful that an amazing helpline is available.
As dory says..
Just keep swimming.
See you soon x